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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28024008">Borrowed Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kae_Viche/pseuds/Kae_Viche'>Kae_Viche</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, How Do I Tag, Hurt Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan, Hurt/Comfort, I'm very sorry, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Like real worse, M/M, Minor Swearing, Post-Canon, Post-Conan Kudou Shinichi, Shinichi does not have a good time, Shinichi would rather die than admit his feelings, Slow Burn, Song fic, Texting, Torture, Violence, Waterboarding, Whipping, and not in the fun way, and shinichi be like bet, everyone around him be like hey don't die, he's kind of dumb like that, how much head injury is too much, it'll take some time to get there, kind of??, oh yeah, originally was based off a song and kind became its own thing, shinichi and kaito are saps, this is more of a fic that has hanahaki in it, whoops</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:27:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28024008</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kae_Viche/pseuds/Kae_Viche</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If Shinichi had to take his pick of dying by his captors, or dying of his own terms, he'd chose the latter any day. Even if suffocation by flowers in his lungs was a painful way to go.</p><p>(In which Shinichi learns what it means to love and be hurt, and Kaito learns what it means to hurt and find love).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Haibara Ai | Miyano Shiho &amp; Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan, Hattori Heiji &amp; Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan, Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan &amp; Mouri Ran, Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan/Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>254</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Borrowed Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I was listening to Borrowed Time from the Death Note musical  (which is a bop btw, check it out) when this popped into my head. I've always wanted to write a hanahaki fic as it's one of my favourite tropes and here we are! Please be aware this fic has some really violent imagery so please take caution when reading! Also, let me know if there are any mistakes, I often miss them while editing</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It doesn't hit him, as most things like this do, the severity of his feelings until they quite literally smack him in the face.</p><p>Kuroba is going off about something or other, face alight with a sparkling intensity that leaves Shinichi breathless, a dab of chocolate just grazing the edge of his lips when the feeling of a hand smacking his face registers in his mind. The sudden jolt breaks him out of his daze, and its when Kuroba is blurting out an apology and shoving himself into Shinichi’s bubble to check if he left any lasting damage with that stupid concerned look on his face does Shinichi realize he’s fucked.</p><p>Shinichi coughs, shoving Kuroba away as gently as he could. “You have chocolate on your face,” is what he says, instead of what he’s thinking in his mind.</p><p>Kuroba blinks, and smiles with a smile so bright Shinichi is blinded by it. “Oh, thanks Kudou.” He wipes away the chocolate with a rag, and Shinichi is left to try and push away the thought of the lost opportunity as Kuroba remains oblivious to Shinichi’s sudden realization. </p><p>“I'm going to use the restroom,” Shinichi blurts out as he stands, needing to take himself out of the situation before he says or does something that can’t be taken back.</p><p>Kuroba blinks at him and fake-pouts. It's annoyingly cute, his mind thinks unhelpfully. “Already tired of my presence, Tan-tei-kun?” he says, pronouncing the syllables in the nickname in a taunting way, like the lift in his voice doesn’t stir unquenchable feelings inside him. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m already planning my escape route from the third floor bathroom,” Shinichi drawls, hiding his suddenly red cheeks as he crouches to pick up his bag.</p><p>“At least make a spectacle out of it,” Kuroba says, placing his chin in his palm. How does he make looking attractive so effortless?</p><p>“That’s your thing,” Shinichi says, and quickly makes his escape to the bathroom.</p><p>Before long he's splashing water in his face to cool his reddening cheeks and bring a jolt to his senses. So what if Kuroba was… admittedly cute? So what if Kuroba challenged his mind in a way that few people could, and made every interaction a fun and exciting experience? So what if Kuroba was a kind and thoughtful individual, a breath of fresh air and a star in the darkness that was Shinichi’s life?</p><p>It wasn’t… it wasn’t like he…</p><p>With a lurch, Shinichi feels a lump block his throat. Suddenly out of air, his hands blindly search for the counter as his eyes close shut. He gasps a few times, before the need to get whatever it was out of his throat overcomes him and he begins to hack and cough and spit out the invasive feeling in his throat.</p><p>All at once, the feeling subsides, and Shinichi greedily gasps in gulps of air like a man who’d been left at sea. The room is spinning and his legs feel unbalanced, and since letting go his harsh grip on the counter his arms tingle unpleasantly.</p><p>Once his lungs no longer feel like collapsing in on themselves (Well, not as much as before, at least), Shinichi opens his eyes and stares at his reflection.</p><p><em> ‘Yikes,’ </em>is his first thought, grimacing at his pale skin and flushed cheeks. His eyes are rimmed red, no doubt from how tightly he was clenching them from the pain of heaving so badly. Sighing, Shinichi is thinking about how shit his luck is when he stops and stares at what he’d coughed out of his body into the sink.</p><p>He’d been expecting phlegm, or maybe some mucus from the common cold. The baby blue colour of what was undoubtedly flower petals is very much not what he’d been expecting.</p><p>Shinichi freezes in place, the horror of what he’d just coughed out not quite reaching his brain yet. What exactly does one do when they realize they’ve just heaved out something that very much was not supposed to be in your body?</p><p>The blue is pretty, a morbid part of his brain thinks. Eerily calm with this revelation, Shinichi picks up a singular petal with his thumb and forefinger and twists it around, eyes tracking the smooth exterior. </p><p>Then, he lets go of the petal and watches it drift to join the rest. He turns on the facet, and watches the petals flow along with the water and into the drain. He sits there for a few more seconds, then picks up his bag and walks out of the dingy bathroom. Their visit isn’t done for another 20 minutes.</p><p>His throat itches.</p><p>-</p><p>In the beginning since his realization, Shinichi does what he did best when it comes to his emotions and personal feelings; he ignores them. What was the point in acknowledging they existed anyway? The cons heavily outweighed the pros in this case, so Shinichi keeps quiet and focuses on his work and tries not to think too heavily on his feelings for the thief.</p><p>DIstractions could only do so much, though. Somehow, someway, Kuroba snuck his sneaky little hands into Shinichi’s every waking thought. Shinichi would try and order his coffee at the nearby cafe? Somehow Kuroba’s order would be whispering itself in his mind. Trying to focus on a case? End up thinking on what he’d say during their next weekly meeting like he wasn’t interrogating a potential murderer. </p><p>The petals become a routine in his day. Wake up with an itch in his throat and little air in his lungs, stumble to the bathroom and heave out the petals until they barely constrict his airway, sit there for five minutes waiting to no longer feel lightheaded, and then continue with his day. He tolerates them for the morning until his lunch break where he coughs out the petals, and does the same for dinner time. Sure, he wasn’t talking as much to his coworkers, and was becoming slightly more irritable than usual. He was handling it.</p><p>Apparently not as much as he should.</p><p>“Shinichi,” Ran says in that way that makes him feel like a six-year-old again. “You’ve been eating, right?”</p><p>“Yes, Ran,” he replies, deadpan, stirring his coffee and trying not to touch the unknown sticky substance on the cafe table.  “The department is even asking me everyday to make sure. Pretty sure Satou-keiji even has reminders on her phone to remind <em> me </em>.”</p><p>Ran narrows her eyes. “What about sleep?”</p><p>Shinichi rolls his own eyes. “Eight hours, or seven. Kuroba texts me to go to sleep.” Shinichi tries not to show how even muttering his name brings a lump to his throat. He gently coughs and takes a sip of his scalding coffee to soothe his throat. His tongue tingles now, but it's better than having petals in his drink. </p><p>Placing her chin in her palm, Ran tilts her head and studies him. She purses her lips. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” she asks, concern etched in her voice.</p><p>Guilt stirs in his chest, years of her pent up worry surfacing in his mind. Still, he nods his head and says, “Of course.”</p><p>“I don’t believe you,” Ran replies and -ouch, first of all-, but seems to let up on it. “So what else has been new with you?”</p><p>He shrugs. “Not much, just a few more cases since last week. Tried to buy myself a bento at 9:00 PM in my pj’s the other day when the cashier dropped dead. Now everyone at the department is tossing pictures of me around.” That had… not been fun. Still isn’t, and he has to burn every picture he comes across. They’re still circulating.</p><p>Ran’s lips quirk up. “Bet that dealt a blow to your pride.”</p><p>He snorts into his coffee. “No kidding.”</p><p>“Seeing anyone new?”</p><p>The suddenness of the question leaves him startled. Maybe it's the way his cheeks redden, or his inability to deny it quickly enough, but Ran’s eyes brighten and she grins wildly. “There is, isn’t there?! Oh my god, Shinichi, who is it?! Is it someone I’ve met before? Is it one of your coworkers? Someone you met on a case? Is it Kuroba? Have you guys gone on a date yet?!”</p><p>Ran probably has no way of knowing that her spitballing all the possible candidates would be correct, but her putting ‘date’ and ‘Kuroba’ into the same sentence triggers the petals in his lungs to push their way up his throat. Left with a lack of air, Shinchi stumbles to his feet, racing to the bathroom and trying not to push anybody to the floor in his haste to get there. He hears Ran’s concerned shouts behind him, but he neglects to answer her.</p><p>Five minutes later, he’s done hacking up the spit covered flower petals from his throat and exits the bathroom. He sits down opposite of Ran, and tries not to let how exhausted the experience left him show on his face. “Sorry about that,” he says, giving a small smile and hoping to come across as nonchalant. “Think the bento I had this morning didn’t agree with me.”</p><p>Ran’s silence greets him. He watches her inspect him, and is met only with pity. “Shinichi, I’m… I’m sorry.”</p><p>Her eyes are on his chest. He glances down. There’s a blue flower petal staring back.</p><p>He sighs. “Can’t be helped.” Plucking the petal from his lapel, he stuffs it into his pocket. It feels incredibly heavy.</p><p>“How long have you…” Ran says, awkwardly trailing off. </p><p>“About a week.”</p><p>Another silence. It feels suffocating. </p><p>“Are you getting the surgery?”</p><p>This is exactly the kind of conversation he wished he wasn’t having. Why couldn’t they go back to her mother-henning him? At least he knew how to answer that.</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>Another silence ensues. Shinichi can see how Ran is awkwardly fidgeting with the hem of her skirt, eyes darting all over him like there’s a thousand questions simmering under the surface waiting to be asked. It reminds him a little bit of too-close-calls and a lifetime of excuses and lies. It leaves himself fidgety and wanting to getaway. </p><p>“I think I’m going to head home,” he finally says, standing up and briefly seeing stars. He hopes Ran didn’t notice him almost sumbling. </p><p>“A-... Okay, Shinichi,” she replies, worry pulling her lips into a frown. He hates seeing her look like that. Moving to turn and exit the cafe, she seizes his arm in a firm grip. Ran’s eyes stare into his own with an intensity that makes him feel somewhat bad about suddenly ditching her. “You better come to me if you need anything, okay?”</p><p>Despite the lightheaded-ness, the exhaustion, the nausea in his gut, he smiles. “Of course.”</p><p>He throws the petal in the trash on his way out.</p><p>-</p><p>Shinichi had been perfectly content keeping his sickness (And it was a sickness, not some… some feeling to be pitied) a secret from everyone. It had been going well, until he comes home from a day of work and spots the young teenager stationed at his front gate, looking at him with a harsh stare.</p><p>He sighs, and continues walking past his house once he gets there, the teen joining him at his side. </p><p>“What do you want, Haibara?”</p><p>“Can’t I just check in on my patient and make sure he doesn’t drop dead from an experimental antidote, Kudou-kun?” she replies in that deadpan way of hers. They both know the excuse is bullshit, since it's been nearly five years since he returned to being Kudou Shinichi and his check-in isn’t for another two weeks. Still, he doesn’t say anything and continues his path towards the house beside his own. </p><p>Haibara opens the gate, and then leads him into the house. Shinichi briefly considers just ditching her and returning home, but thinks better of it once she points to the stairs leading down to her lab with an intensity that says, <em> ‘Disobey me and die’ </em>. He obliges.</p><p>He sits there on the table and plays on his phone for the better part of three minutes, trying to push down the suffocating feeling in his chest. Eventually Haibara comes down the steps, a tray with two steaming cups of tea in her hands. She hands one of them to him, and he nods his thanks, letting the warmth of the cup distract him.</p><p>Haibara sits opposite of him, and her searching gaze leaves him feeling a little trapped. He tries not to let it show. “So I’ve heard an idiot detective went and caught Hanahaki.”</p><p>Irritation prickles alongside the petals in his chest. “You say that like I had any choice in the matter,” he drawls.</p><p>She ignores what he’s said, and takes a sip of her tea. “How far along are you?”</p><p>“Around a week and two days now,” he replies, shoving down the need to pick at his jeans awkwardly.</p><p>“How frequently do you expel the petals?” He goes to answer when she stares him down. “I will know if you lie.”</p><p>He huffs. “Maybe every two hours.” On a good day, and if he wasn’t thinking about Kaito. Technically it was true.</p><p>Haibara purses her lips and places her cup down, writing something down in the notepad beside her. “So you’ve been expelling petals frequently, to the point that you’ve been getting lightheaded and losing your balance.” Of course Ran saw, Shinichi thought bitterly. “Now why didn’t you come to me beforehand?”</p><p>“I didn’t think it was necessary.”</p><p>“Kudou-kun.” Ugh, she was giving him that look, the one that said, <em> ‘You’re being stupid and I hate having to put up with you.' </em> He hated it. “Apotoxin is an experimental drug. It never got to trial with the effects of hanahaki because animals aren’t affected by it. Who knows what kind of drawbacks the antidote will have because of your symptoms? You should have come to me first.”</p><p>Shame wells up in his gut. “Sorry, Haibara.”</p><p>She rolls her eyes, and it makes him feel marginally better to see the usual her. “Don’t be sorry to me, be sorry to yourself if your condition makes the antidote stop working and you revert back to a child, or it worsens your already weak heart.” Unsurprisingly, the stress of rapidly shredding/increasing the amount of cells in your body puts said body through incredible stress. His heart couldn’t take as much as it used to, which was already a wound to his pride. Having Haibara shove that in his face kind of sucked.</p><p>Stuck in his thoughts he almost doesn't hear her next question; “When will you be getting the surgery?”</p><p>When the question finally registers in his mind, he bites his lips. “Soon. I don't know yet.”</p><p>“Are you waiting for the feelings to be requited?”</p><p>Shinichi can almost <em> feel </em> the judgement in her voice, and he purses his lips in annoyance. “I don’t- I don’t know, okay? I’m still thinking about it.”</p><p>“What's there to think about? You and Mouri already spoke and decided you weren’t compatible. You’re just putting your body through unnecessary stress.”</p><p>An argument is already on the tip of his tongue, anger sparking in his veins before it quickly vanishes. “Mouri…?” He almost chuckles, but it comes out weak and sickly. “It’s… it’s not Ran.”</p><p>Surprise coats Haibara’s face. “Who else would it be, then?”</p><p>A happy face comes to mind, all grins and quick-witted words. An intelligent mind and the ability to command attention anywhere he went. Sharp features and soft hair. Kindness to hold up a mountain of insecurities and bright eyes that never quite reached the smile he gave, save for the treasured moments where Shinichi saw the true mind underneath.</p><p>He swallows. “No one important.”</p><p>Haibara doesn’t respond to that, but by the way she taps her fingers against her mug, it seems she drops it. “Well,” she says, soft in a way that was rare for her. “If it gets worse, come to me immediately. I don’t need you randomly reverting to Conan in the middle of an investigation or turning into a pile of goo.”</p><p>“That’s comforting,” he chuckles, but the action feels incredibly fake when he stares down at his reflection in the cold cup of tea in his hands.</p><p>-</p><p>Shinichi finds himself going out for a stroll, hoping some fresh air would clear his thoughts. He’d been working all day, and the stuffiness and murders and case files were beginning to get to him. He needed- he needed to get out.</p><p>A roar of laughter and joy meets his ears, and he turns to the right in interest. There's a small crowd of children, their parents off to the side with smiles on their faces. The children are whooping and screaming in happiness, and it all centers on the man in the front. </p><p>Shinichi almost wants to laugh at the irony of trying to clear his thoughts and running into the main subject of his stress. Kuroba is grinning and his hands are going to and fro, pulling trick after trick that make the children gasp and giggle in excitement. Glitter and confetti rain on the ground, and he’d be slightly annoyed at the litter if he didn’t know it would inexplicably be cleaned up later.</p><p>If Shinichi were just slightly smarter, maybe he’d have left the area and Kuroba. He’d book the earliest appointment and get the roots and blooms out of his lungs and airways, focus on his work and shove the feelings aside. They didn’t mean anything, and they wouldn’t mean anything. Why should he keep suffering when he could just be rid of it already?</p><p>But… looking at Kaito, face enlightened with joy from spreading happiness to others, he can’t bring himself to. He can’t imagine not having that feeling of awe(?) when he stares at him, can’t imagine not being engrossed by his presence. Maybe that makes him a coward. </p><p>The flowers feel even more suffocating now. Somehow, he can’t bring himself to care.</p><p>-</p><p>It's a few hours later when his phone beeps from beside him. Putting his book down, he picks it up and quirks his lips when he looks at the text history. </p><p>
  <em> [Image Sent] </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Tantei-kun! You saw me in the park and didn’t even stop to say hi?! DD: </em>
</p><p>Shinichi bites his lips, a brief thought to just end the conversation there with a ‘Yup’, but immediately decides against it.</p><p>
  <em> You looked busy. I doubt your ‘adoring fans’ would have been happy to share your attention</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hey!! I bet they would have loved to see Kudou Shinichi as my assistant ;333 </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m sure</em>
</p><p>
  <em> ?Don’t you have a heist to plan </em>
</p><p>
  <em> What???? </em>
</p><p>Shinichi waits approximately two minutes before his phone begins to buzz consistently. </p><p>
  <em> WHAT THE FUCK </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I had PLANS  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> WHY DO THESE IMPOSTERS DO THIS EJFIRHELA </em>
</p><p>
  <em> DO THEY NOT HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO </em>
</p><p>
  <em> TANTEI-KUN PLS SHOW UP AND HELP MEEEEEEE </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I totally would, Kuroba, if I didn’t have piles of work to do </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You’re completely boring </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Only a detective would pass up on a heist for murder </em>
</p><p>
  <em> :&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&lt; </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It is my job </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Quit!!!  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> In this economy? No thanks </em>
</p><p>
  <em> spoilsport </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’d get to working on that heist. Don’t want your reputation to go down the drain in around five hours</em>
</p><p>
  <em> F U CK </em>
</p><p>Shinichi chokes on a laugh. He hates how he knows he would totally throw down all his work to be there, if his throat wasn’t already slowly constricting his access to air. He hacks a few times, and glares at the petals coating his hand. He sighs and stands.</p><p>Static swarms his vision. He almost stumbles, before righting himself. A few shaky breaths leave his lips, and he wipes his free hand across his face. He tosses the petals into the garbage can beside him (an addition ever since this all started) and goes to wash his hands.</p><p>He comes back and collapses into the couch. His head is swimming, and the room feels like it's spinning around him despite his body being completely still. Closing his eyes, he grabs the pillow beside his head and holds it close to his chest, curling his body inward and willing the room to stop moving underneath him.</p><p>What feels like five minutes pass when his phone buzzes beside his head. Except- wait. The light outside is completely gone and it's dark. He rubs his eyes and grabs his phone, blinking against the harsh light and glares at the clock, telling him he’s been asleep for multiple hours already. Then he spots his notifications. </p><p>
  <em> wow these guys completely suck </em>
</p><p>
  <em> they didn’t even guard like,,,, at all </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Def trying to get insurance money </em>
</p><p>
  <em> *looks into camera* </em>
</p><p>
  <em> what’d i tell you </em>
</p><p>
  <em> okay well i stole the thing (its not even a gem!!! I only steal gems everyone k n o w s this) and exposed them as frauds so it’s all good now uwu </em>
</p><p>
  <em> you owe me to show up for my next heist </em>
</p><p>Shinichi smiles despite himself, because staring at the texts too long should bring unholy amounts of rage in him, but all it does is bring a fuzzy feeling of fondness.</p><p>
  <em> Anyone ever tell you your texting is atrocious </em>
</p><p>
  <em> SO i’ve been told </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Its the aesthetic tantei-kun </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ANYWAY you didn’t answer my demand </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Will do </em>
</p><p>
  <em> :DDDDDDD </em>
</p><p>Shinichi shuts off his phone and closes his eyes once again, hugging the pillow tighter and trying to force down the petals in his throat.</p><p>It doesn’t work, but at least he tried.</p><p>-</p><p>Like he promised, Shinichi shows up at the next heist. Its stupid and pitiful, since the petals in his chest seemed to be a particular nuisance today. One of those remedies that supposedly helps with the petals are in his coffee mug, but it isn’t doing anything; not that he’s surprised. It tastes decent though, so he occasionally takes a sip when he feels the need to cough.</p><p>He’d already taken a look at the security. The room the jewel was being held in had no vents, so that wasn’t an issue. The room was sizable, only one entrance and no skylight for Kaitou KID to drop through. The security guards were placed around the sealed case, and it needed the owner’s thumbprint to open. If any of the guards exited (or entered) the perimeter around the case, an alarm would be tripped and all the guards would be immediately trapped inside by a large metal grate.</p><p>It was… a little extreme, but this was Kaitou KID, who was also extreme, so. Two sides of the same coin.</p><p>Shinichi gave the room a critical eye from his spot in the doorway, taking a sip from his mug. He’d already figured out how KID would make his entrance, but… he genuinely wasn’t feeling up to obstructing his plan. His head was fuzzy and his chest was twinging in pain, and he sincerely doubted the pain wouldn’t make an appearance if he was actively participating in the heist. He was content to sit back for once. </p><p>Taking a glance at his watch told him there was almost five minutes left until the given time, and Shinichi debated whether or not to scroll on his phone for the rest of the last few minutes. He very quickly decided against it when he feels a pair of eyes on him. Kaito would probably feel insulted if he appeared disinterested at one of his heists, he thought with a ping of guilt. He’d make it up to Kaito later for not chasing the thief.</p><p>“Are you not participating today, Kudou-kun?”</p><p>Shinichi turns to the side to see Hakuba standing beside him. “Not really feeling up to par, today,” is what he says, knowing that a certain someone was eavesdropping. </p><p>“Oh?” He can hear Hakuba’s interest, but Shinichi doesn’t provide an answer for him. Eventually Hakuba seems to realize that Shinichi wasn’t going to continue any farther and drops it. “Have you figured out where he’ll be coming in from?”</p><p>Shinichi almost wants to smile; it seems Hakuba was a little bit slow on the uptake today. “Perhaps. No guarantee though. He’s always thinking of new ways to throw us off his trail.”</p><p>Hakuba shares a wry grin. “So he does.” He waits a moment before joining the guards near the case.</p><p>Shinichi is only half aware that enough time should have passed before the lights go out and his ears catch a small chuckle. Then he hears the all too familiar, “Its Showtime~”</p><p>Chaos erupts, everyone turning to gasp at the familiar white clad form standing atop the case containing tonight’s jewel. The guards standing before the case begin to surge forward, intent on dog-piling him, when Kaitou KID tsks in a mocking way. “Now, now, let's not get ahead of ourselves here.”</p><p>There’s a puff of smoke, and both the thief and the jewel are suddenly gone. Shinichi half laughs and hopes that both Hakuba and the guards stationed around the case notice there’s suddenly one more of their own among them. There’s a breeze coming from the window, a large spider web of a crack in the glass. It's a nice illusion, and briefly Shinichi wonder’s how much time it took Kaito to paint both the tarp and the fan situated in front of it.</p><p>“He went through the window!”</p><p>“How did he not trigger the sensor?” </p><p>“Go after him!”</p><p>That last one is a perfect replica of Nakamori’s voice, and the real inspector doesn’t even have time to open his mouth before the crowd is surging forward to run down the hall. The cage closes around them with a resounding <em> thud </em>, and there’s another puff of smoke until Kaitou KID is standing in front of the cage, his back turned to Shinichi. “Thank you all for being my willing subjects today,” he says, a tilt of humour raising his voice. Somehow he’s trapped a screaming Hakuba in the cage as well, his once blond hair a bright blue. “I bid you adieu.”</p><p>Even the backup light goes out this time, and Shinichi sighs and waits until a breeze flows past him before reaching into his pocket and flicking on his flashlight-watch. He makes his way forward and inputs the code (that no one was supposed to know other than the guards) to release the cage. “He’s heading up to the roof,” he says, the guards nodding ferociously. Shinichi smirks. “Give him hell.”</p><p>The next hour or so is chaos, Kaitou KID having to change plans half-way through each of his back-up plans, the task force running him all around the building. Shinichi waits on the bottom floor, taking sips every few minutes until he stares mournfully at the empty mug. The sounds of the task force triggering traps and Kaitou KID’s laughter echo throughout the building, and his chest slowly becomes tighter and tighter until he’s coughing every minute. The petals are beginning to fill his pockets. Shinichi notices with a stark clarity that the petals have started to come out connected to each other, instead of the small baby-petals they used to be. He resolutely ignores it.</p><p>He’s lost in his thoughts, what-ifs and should-I’s that he doesn’t notice the body coming up behind him until an arm links with his own.</p><p>“I couldn’t help but notice that a certain someone didn’t participate in the heist today,” Kaito says almost near his ear, and Shinichi tries as best as he can to not shiver and choke as they begin to just walk out the building’s front door. “Wonder why that is?”</p><p>“Sorry, Kaito,” he apologizes, and he feels the thief tense beside him momentarily and briefly wonders why. Then, he remembers exactly what he just said and flushes. “Ah- sorry. We’ve known each other for so long it just kind of slipped out. I can stop…?”</p><p>“No, no! I like it, it’s fine,” Kaito says, a smile blooming on his face. “Only if I get to call you Shinichi.”</p><p>“I’m fine with that,” he replies, and he hopes that those lessons on Pokerface worked, since a strange feeling is churning his gut. When had Kuroba turned to Kaito? Just how far in was he? Was it when the petals first began? Or was it when Shinichi slowly became more and more deteriorated with thoughts and opinions of Kaito?</p><p>“Anyway!” Kaito chirps, unaware of the turmoil Shinichi is feeling. “You didn’t answer my question.”</p><p>“I would have joined, but if I’m going to be chasing you then I intend to be at my best.” Shinichi is aware that Kaito had overheard his reasoning to Hakuba, and in a back corner of his mind he wonders why Kaito is asking him to explain. “Besides,” he drawls,”Weren’t you listening in on Hakuba and I?”</p><p>He’s trying to avoid looking into Kaito’s eyes directly, and is more focussed on the sidewalk and avoiding stray KID fans, but he does catch the chuckle the thief lets out. “Can’t put anything past you, Tantei-kun. Can’t I just check up on my detective?”</p><p>That stops Shinichi short. He hadn’t even entertained the idea that Kaito would be… concerned for him, which was a stupid slight on his part. Worry, yes. But actively be concerned for Shinichi’s wellbeing enough that he was willing to eavesdrop on him? Hesitating, Shinichi turns to face Kaito, an excuse already leaving his lips.</p><p>Kaito’s eyes halt the excuse before he can even say it. They’re narrowed, a stark contrast to the teasing tone of his voice just seconds before. Concern and worry pull at his eyes, the colourful brightness of the streetlights and moon reflecting the deep blue with a startling clarity. Kaito’s hand on his arm is burning through his clothes, the contact sending his heart into his throat, and Kaito is too close. Kaito smells like sweet desserts and fresh fabric softener, Kaito is beautiful, Kaito is breathtaking, Kaito is everything, Kaito is <em> killing him. </em></p><p>A gasp rips through his throat, startling him and collapsing his chest. All thoughts of Kaito are gone, only replaced with the bitter petals forcing his way to his throat. Every gasp, more petals are pushing up and up and up, until little to no air is making its way into his lungs. He’s supporting himself with one hand on the cracked cement (And when had he fallen?), the other clenched around his mouth, trying not to let the petals spill with every hack and cough that comes out of him. It only does so much, until pale blue is filling his vision, the petals making a carpet underneath him. A voice is shouting in concern beside him, but he can barely focus with his ears ringing and his every cough thundering through his body. Static is beginning to filter through his vision, the blue being replaced with little green dots. His limbs start to go numb, and his knees collapse under him until the cold ground meets his cheek.</p><p>For a split second, his vision clears and Kaito is kneeling above him, panic and worry masking his features. There’s no poker face in sight, and momentarily Shinichi feels guilt for making him worry. A second later, black obscures his vision and everything is gone. </p><p>-</p><p>Surprisingly, waking up after losing consciousness from the flowers growing in your lungs is as painful as it sounds.</p><p>A groan forces through his lips when he first wakes up, which sucks, as it aggravates his already tender throat. Dizziness is clouding his head, and Shinichi briefly considers the idea of just going back to bed so he doesn’t have to deal with everything.</p><p>The events of what feels just happened fill his mind, and suddenly he sits up with a renewed vigor. Immediate regret fills him, as his head spins and his body feels as weak as it did when he first took the antidote. He waits for the dizzy spell to pass, then finally opens his eyes.</p><p>He’s… in his room, which is a little confusing, considering he’d just been halfway across Beika. What happened between him passing out and him arriving here? The light from the window says it's midday, which is almost a full 12 hours that he’d been unconscious.</p><p>Thankfully, he doesn’t have to wait very long for the answer before someone opens the door and walks in. Unfortunately, said person also happens to be the subject of his current strife.</p><p>Kaito is holding a tray of assorted fruits and other healthy foods, and a glass of water carefully balanced on one end. Closing the door with his hip (which is… cute, his mind adds), he takes a few steps before he notices Shinichi.</p><p>“Shinichi!” he exclaims, and the volume is a little too much for his currently aching head. Kaito grimaces in sympathy and adds a, “Sorry,” before placing the tray on the table beside him. He joins Shinichi by sitting on a kitchen chair he must have brought up, and gestures towards the food. Shinichi rolls his eyes but begins to eat them nonetheless.</p><p>The silence feels stifling, and Shinichi resolutely does his best to focus on the food he’s eating and not looking in Kaito’s direction. The fruit tastes more bitter than the sweet it was supposed to be, but it's better than any sort of conversation he might be having otherwise.</p><p>Eventually, the food runs out and he has nothing left to use as an excuse. The soft plush pillows against his back feel nice, but the suffocating atmosphere is making him twitch. Though he’s not looking in Kaito’s direction, he can nearly feel the harsh stare the other is giving him.</p><p>Just as the thought to just begin screaming overwhelms him, Kaito suddenly blurts out, “So Hanahaki, huh?”</p><p>A laugh tears at his throat. “Subtle,” he says, trying to push down the sudden desire to jump out the window. </p><p>Kaito doesn’t appreciate his jab, his eyes narrowing by a smidge. “How long?” he asks, which makes Shinichi sigh because he’s had this exact conversation way too much at this point.</p><p>“Maybe three weeks now?” he says uncertainly, as if he hadn’t been religiously tracking every day the petals seem to get worse.</p><p>“Three weeks?!” Kaito shouts, and thins his lips when Shinichi winces. “Shinichi, it's been three weeks and you didn’t tell me?” he says softer this time.</p><p>“I didn’t want to worry you.” He replies quietly. There’s a load of other reasons, obviously, but this was one of the main ones. Kaito was always thinking about others, he thought wryly. If Shinichi had told him any sooner, Kaito would be constantly fussing over him, unaware that he’d been the cause of Shinchi’s problem.</p><p>“This is a little past making me worry,” Kaito scoffs. “Shinichi, what the hell was I supposed to think? I thought, ‘Hey, maybe he’s a little under the weather,’ no biggie. Then you suddenly kneel over and start throwing up petals and passing out. You weren’t waking up no matter what they did, and we had no idea why! Do you wanna know what my first thought was?!” A fire burns in Kaito’s eyes, and Shinichi isn’t too certain he won’t just jump to his feet and topple his chair over in anger. There isn’t even time for Shinichi to respond before Kaito finishes with, “I thought that poison came back and would end up killing you, Shinichi. Haibara thought so too.” </p><p>A stone falls in his gut at the end of Kaito’s rant. The fruits he had finished not too long ago taste of ash on the tip of his tongue, guilt thinning his lips and making his fingers tighten around his blanket. Kaito isn’t even looking at him anymore, eyes trained on the floor with that oh-so-famous poker-face of his. Shinichi hates it, hates knowing that he’s caused Kaito to shut him out. “Kaito-”</p><p>“When were you going to tell me?” Kaito cuts him off, stone cold.</p><p><em> ‘Never,’ </em> is his first thought. <em> ‘I was going to keep this to myself as long as I could, to spare you the pain of knowing.’ </em>But Shinichi knows that's not the answer Kaito wants, even if it's the truth. “Eventually.”</p><p>“Eventually isn’t good enough,” he snaps, and that snarl feels so out of place on Kaito. “We’re friends,” and wow, that hurts physically, “we’re supposed to be trusting each other.” </p><p>“This isn’t about trust, Kaito,” he says, even though it hurts, because he knows just how much trust is important to Kaito. Because he does trust him, trusts him with his life, his love, but he can’t let the thief know that. “It wasn’t important.”</p><p>“It's important to me!” Kaito shouts. “When was I going to find out, huh? Was it when you were in the hospital? When you did the surgery? When you died?!”</p><p>And… yeah. It was going to be when he died. That was the plan, wasn’t it?</p><p>Maybe it's the way his face falls, maybe it's his inability to answer, but suddenly Kaito is standing and walking towards the door and Shinichi begins to panic. “Kaito!” he shouts after him, but Kaito is grasping the handle and pulling and Shinichi is standing to race after him. “Kaito, wait, please!” But Kaito is ignoring him, Kaito is <em> leaving </em> and-</p><p>Metal rises to his lips and the world goes dark once again, sending him to the ground once again. He can’t breathe again, but this time, there’s a sharp pain of thousands of needles tearing at his throat.</p><p>“Hey, hey, Shinichi, breathe with me, okay?” Kaito’s voice is soft beside him, hands placed comfortingly on his back to steady him, a stark contrast to just moments before. The relief that he hadn’t left nearly sends him toppling but Kaito is holding him steady. The petals are still coming, and frustration wells in him that he can’t even get out of bed without falling brings tears to his eyes. Kaito’s quiet, “Hey, you’re okay, just breathe,” is both comforting and painful, and Shinichi chokes on not only petals but a sob, wishing not for the first time that he hadn’t fallen for Kaito.</p><p>With Kaito’s gentle prodding, Shinichi’s heaves and sobs come under control. When the last of the petals make their way past his lips, Shinichi takes a moment to just breathe. Tears cling to his eyelashes, and he wipes them away with his free hand before sitting up. </p><p>Kaito’s sharp inhale and grip on his shoulders startles him, and it takes a few moments for what rests in his hands to really sink in. </p><p>The blue petals have been stained red. </p><p>Without meaning to, another sob wrecks his body. Clenching his lips tightly, he allows his body to only tremble, not wanting to embarrass himself further. Kaito is quiet beside him, which is both comforting but awkward. </p><p>“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he says, but the words feel fake even to him.</p><p>Kaito’s hands tighten just a smidge before softening. “What’s done is done.” The petals feel loads heavier than they actually are, and he stares at them blankly, hands resting in his lap. “Shinichi, please tell me you’re getting the surgery.”</p><p>“Of course,” is his immediate reply.</p><p>“No, no, don’t do that shit,” Kaito snaps again, and he uses his hands to physically turn Shinichi's body to him. The petals block his throat, but Shinchi forces them down. Kaito is… Kaito looks pleading, worry tugging lines into his face and pulling a frown from his lips. “You always take what others tell you and ignore it, but this is going to <em> kill </em> you.”</p><p>“Don’t you think I know that?” he heaves, suddenly wanting to push the other away. “Do you know how humiliating it is to know that the person I love doesn’t love me back? That everyone else knows it? How much it hurts to know that they don't love me back?!” He tries to avoid looking at Kaito as he says it, but all he sees is the petals in his palms slowly killing him, soft and silky to the touch, the same colour as Kaito’s eyes. “I can’t imagine living in a world where I don’t love them,” is what he says, barely above a whisper. “And if it kills me…” He leaves the rest unfinished.</p><p>There's arms wrapping around him, and Shinichi almost wants to cry at the irony of telling the person he loves that he plans to die for them, and them not knowing. Instead, all he feels is a bone-deep exhaustion. “You’re so stupid,” Kaito says, but chuckles humourlessly all the same. Shinichi huffs a laugh, and buries his head into the crook of Kaito’s shoulder. He closes his eyes, and just for a moment, imagines what the warmth would feel like if Kaito loved him back.</p><p>It's nice, even if the cool temperature of the petals in his hands bring him back down to Earth.</p><p>-</p><p>“You have thought this through, right Kudou-kun?”</p><p>“Of course, Inspector.”</p><p>Megure’s face is grim, but he nods. “Then… it was an honour to have you on our force.” </p><p>Shinichi smiles, stands and bows. “Thank you for having me. Even if I wasn’t here for long.”</p><p>“Ku-... Shinichi-kun,” Megure says, hands clasping together on his desk. His eyes search through his own, and they’re… sad. “I won’t lie and tell you I don’t hope you’ll reconsider.”</p><p>“I know,” he replies. “I know the logical path but… I can’t bring myself to do it.”</p><p>“I’m...curious as to just who this person is that even the great Detective of the East would rather kill himself than to lose feelings for them.” Megure’s eyes are searching, curiosity brimming in his eyes under his hat. </p><p>A part of him wants to take offence that Megure thought he was ‘killing himself’ instead of what Shinichi was really doing, but… To others, that’s what it was right? Briefly, he considers just walking out, not providing an answer to Megure’s question, but after years of his guidance and kindness, he deserves it. “They’re…” Shinichi starts, before shaking his head and smiling. “They’re everything to me.” With that, he bows again and makes his way out the door.</p><p>The police station is abuzz, the officers always ready to soak in the new gossip. Newbies that haven’t been around long stare at him, and others that he’s had brief acquaintance with wave at him. </p><p>It's the officers in the bullpen that really make a fuss. They’re all looking at him with harsh stares, furiously whispering to each other and maybe watching him with careful eyes. It hasn’t been the first time he’s done something out of the left-field like this, so he doesn’t blame them for being concerned.</p><p>Just as he’s putting a little Kamen Yaiba figure in that the kids had gotten him into his to-go box, Satou and Takagi surround him at his desk.</p><p>“Where’s our little detective going for his leave-of-absence?” Satou says, sitting on the now empty space on his desk, humour in her voice but suspicion in her eyes.</p><p>“Nowhere important.”</p><p>“I mean, it must be important,” Takagi laughs, standing to Satou’s side. “You never leave work, not even for holidays. We’re just a little curious.”</p><p>“Just…” Shinichi fumbles. He wishes he could tell them, but too many people know already. The less, the better. “Just wanted to get away for a bit, that’s all.”</p><p>“Well,” Takagi says, smiling. “I hope you have a good trip.”</p><p>Shinichi smiles back, but he knows it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thanks.” With that said, he gathers his belongings and begins to make his way out. Then, just before he’s out of their earshot, he stops and adds, “Also, before I go.” The two, who were furiously mumbling at each other, blink at him. He grins, just a little bit lighter. “Propose to each other sometime this century?”</p><p>Leaving them sputtering their denials, his chest feels a little lighter than before he had entered the building. It was… difficult to leave the job he had loved so much. But it was probably better to spend the last weeks of his life enjoying as much of it as he could, and no matter how much joy his job brought him, he didn’t want to use the last of his life doing it. </p><p>As he makes his way out of the front door of the building and onto the street, his phone interrupts his thoughts with a ‘<em> ding! </em>’ and he balances his box on his hip to bring it to his ear. “Hattori?” he says, confused.</p><p>“What’s this I hear about ya quittin’ your job?”</p><p>Shinichi sighs, walking around people who were walking considerably slower than him on the sidewalk. “I didn’t… quit,” he says, irritating prickling at his nerves. “I’m taking time off.”</p><p>“You and I both know ya’d never take time off even if you were dying,” Hattori replies deadpan, but Shinichi’s inability to provide a good excuse leaves Hattori connecting the dots. “Ya aren’t dying, right?”</p><p>“Well... “ Shinichi says, when the coughing hits him full force. Its intensity isn’t too bad, but he has to drop his box to quickly cover his mouth with his free hand to prevent the blood-covered flowers from staining the sidewalk. Once the attack is over, he sighs and pockets the flowers, grimacing at the red that stains his hands. “Something like that,” he sighs, exhaustion leaking from his voice. </p><p>“... Hanahaki, right?”</p><p>“Yeah.” His box of odds and ends feel incredibly heavy in his weakened arms, and the hustle and bustle of the crowd around him is sucking him into an increasing pool of dread. “About a month in. Started coughing blood two days ago.” </p><p>The day before was spent at home crying and throwing things once Kaito had left. The other had tried to stay as long as he could, but Shinichi could still sense the awkwardness and anger the other still felt. Shinichi didn’t want to face him while he finally owned up to the fact that he was going to die. That he was going to let himself die. </p><p>Hattori curses, bringing Shinichi out of his daze. “Shit Kudou, you're that far along that fast?” Shinichi hums. “Well, when are you getting the surgery?”</p><p>“I’m not.”</p><p>Hattori sputters, which is fair. “<em> Not </em>- Kudou, you do realize you’re going to die otherwise, right?! Like, you’ve realized this will kill you?”</p><p>The lady behind him keeps coughing, which keeps reminding him of his own affliction, and it's distracting. “I’m aware.”</p><p>“Are you insane?!” Hattori’s voice is incredibly loud, and it makes his already spinning head begin to pound. “No one is worth dying for, you idiot!”</p><p>“They are to me, Hattori!” A sigh leaves his lips when Hattori goes deathly silent. “This is my choice, okay? I know the repercussions, I get them. I know that I’m going to die. And I’m okay with that.”</p><p>Hattori’s voice is quiet. “... You’re really stupid, you know that, right?”</p><p>Shinichi wants to both laugh and cry at how similar this conversation is to the one he had a mere day ago with Kaito. “I’ve been told.”</p><p>Silence fills the call. Shinichi looks at his feet as he slows to a stop at an intersection, the sound of cars and voices filling the silence that they’ve left. Shinichi wants to say something to comfort his friend, but his own voice isn’t making a sound.</p><p>Metal meets his back.</p><p>“Say a word and I’ll shoot,” the voice behind him says, and Shinichi realizes with stark clarity that it's the same woman who’d been walking behind him for the last four blocks. “Don’t react.”</p><p>Shinichi swallows. “Well… can I make a request?” he fake laughs, and hopes that Hattori notices. The woman has attached her hand to his hip, and is using her body to hide the gun on his back. “Before I kick the bucket, how about we go visit that restaurant near your house, the one that you mentioned just opened up?” Shinichi hopes beyond hope that Hattori remembers the conversation they’d had years ago, when Shinichi had thought he’d die back then too.</p><p>“Sure, but we also need to visit tha’ one in Beika,” Hattori replies, voice deadly serious. Shinichi represses both a cough and a sigh of relief. “Where was that again?” </p><p>Shinichi tries to discreetly remember landmarks near where he’d been walking. “Near the Sarugaku elementary school, I think? They have great ramen.”</p><p>He’d thought the conversation sounded casual enough that the woman wouldn’t become suspicious. She doesn’t appear to catch on, but she still quietly whispers, “Times up, say your goodbyes, Taneti-kun.”</p><p>Shinichi hates the way she <em> purrs </em> such a treasured nickname. “I’ve got to go, Hattori,” he says, heaving out the words. “Can you tell Kaito to visit my house later tonight? That book he wanted to borrow is in the library; top drawer.”</p><p>In reality, his favourite Sherlock Holmes book is waiting. Obviously, Kaito never appreciated the detective the way Shinichi did, but... Shinichi hopes it gets his point across. To share such an important part of him with the other. Maybe in due time it’ll help with the pain of his death. Maybe Kaito will be able to decipher the code he left behind. Shinichi never planned on telling Kaito the true reason behind his death, but it was cruel to not give him the option.</p><p>With a gun to his back and petals in his throat, Shinichi hopes Kaito understands one day.</p><p>“Bye, Hattori,” he chokes out.</p><p>“Kudou, wait-”</p><p>The call ends.</p><p>“Good job,” the woman says, and tightens her hold when Shinichi carefully places his phone back into his pocket. “Keep walking, now, and don’t try anything funny.”</p><p>‘<em> What </em> is <em> funny’ </em> , Shinichi thinks, the woman guiding him down random sidewalks and roads. <em> ‘Is the amount of times I’ve heard those words.’ </em></p><p>They cross three intersections before the woman turns them into a secluded alleyway, the hustle and bustle of the streets fading into the background. They make another turn, walking into the space between the buildings. There’s an unmarked van, the trunk facing them and open, two men sitting and sharing a beer. They smirk and lift their shirt to reveal two other guns once they spot them.</p><p>“Make any sort of fuss?” The one on the left says, hair chopped short and shaggy, a scar crossing his left eye. </p><p>“Nah,” the woman replies, shoving him forward. Shinichi topples to the ground with a pained grunt, the concrete ripping the skin in his palms. “Don’t think he even noticed me sneak up on him. So much for a Great Detective.”</p><p>“Pity,” the one on the right says, voice deep and cool. Shinichi sits up and stares at him, taking in the grey eyes and broad shoulders. There’s a deep unsettling feeling in his gut when Shinichi meets his gaze and his grin widens. “I wanted to rough him up a bit first.”</p><p>“You’ll have plenty of time for that later.” The woman stands behind him now, and Shinichi shakes off her hand when she places it on his shoulder. She laughs, and grips his other shoulder in a painful grip, nails digging into his skin. “You’re going to be stuck with us for a while.”</p><p>Metal connects with his skull, painfully sending him to the ground again. His ears ring, and his vision is spotty. He tries, tries so <em> hard </em>to get back up, but there’s a foot on his back and his cheek is sliding against the concrete.</p><p>He sends one last glare up at the woman, but she merely laughs, and his vision goes dark.</p><p>-</p><p>Waking up felt like the most difficult task he’d ever done.</p><p>His head aches, blood still drying against his forehead and cheek. The first thing he registers is that it's cold, frigidly so. It permeates through his skin and his nerves, and he shivers against it. Unconsciously he tries moving his arms to wrap around his freezing body, but they refuse to move, and he’s met with an ache in his shoulders and the sound of chains moving.</p><p>He groans in pain, and finally, finally pries his eyes open.</p><p>The room he’s in is damp and dead, only a table to the side and one door leading in. A single lamp rests on the table, giving a small glow to the rest of the room. His shirt has disappeared, along with his shoes, he finds, which frightens him beyond anything else. He tries to move again, but his arms scream in defiance, and when he looks up, he discovers his wrists have been bound by chains hanging from a hook in the ceiling. He huffs in a mix of frustration and anger, but sags against the chains and wishes he could place his head between his knees.</p><p>Breathing is… difficult. Each inhale is staggered and rough, and it's almost painful getting air to his lungs. Shinichi chokes on a dejected laugh when he spots the fully formed flowers planted at his knees. </p><p>These kidnappers have hell in store for him, but Shinichi almost finds how little time they have to do so incredibly funny.</p><p>He fades in and out of consciousness for who knows how long. There’s no windows in here, and no clock, only his shaky breathing and the hum of the lamp filling the silence. Every now and again flowers push their way past his throat, and he spends the next ten minute desperately gasping them out, pulling against the steel chaining his wrists and tearing skin with each heave.</p><p>He’s exhausted, unable to stay awake but unable to rest, pain in every part of his body. His stomach churns in hunger, the rumbling filling the room when his sighs don’t. </p><p>Shinichi is drifting through consciousness when the door squeaks open, and he shakingly looks up to see the woman and her two henchmen walking through the door. His heart beats erratically in his chest when he spots both the tripod and the camera they’re holding and tries not to show how much that terrifies him on his face.</p><p>“Wakey-wakey, my dear,” the woman says with a smile, but blinks when she spots him. Her eye’s travel down to the flowers, and he tries to mask his embarrassment with a glare when the three of them begin to laugh. “Oh, oh,” she giggles, hand covering her mouth and her shoulders shaking in glee. “I should have known with that conversation you were having, but this is too funny!” She stalks forward and crouches in front of him, tapping him on the nose despite his attempt to lean back. “Our little detective went and fell for someone who doesn’t love him back.” He tries to go for a headbutt, but he’s able to only graze her chin. Still, she leans back and screams, suddenly fueled by rage. Shinichi, severely regretting his decision, scrambles backwards but isn’t able to move very far. “You little bastard!” she screams, and too quickly for him to comprehend, her hand is striking his face and sending his head whipping to the side.</p><p>He bites down a cry and his teeth sink into his tongue, blood coating his mouth and lips. The strike aggravates his still aching head, but he swallows back the pain and spits the blood at her feet, glaring defiantly up at her. She tsks and clenches her fists at her sides. </p><p>“You’re more trouble than you’re worth,” she snarls, and whips around to snatch the camera from scar-face’s hands. “Do you want to know why we’ve kidnapped you?”</p><p>“You know,” he starts, speaking around the blood in his mouth, “It hadn’t crossed my mind.”</p><p>He’s met with the identical stares that leave him squirming. “You’ve got quite the lip.” The woman taps her fingers against her arm. “You remind me a lot of Kaitou KID, in a way.”</p><p>Intrigue and panic stir in his chest. “Oh? Comparing me to that thief?” he asks, hoping they don’t notice the way his throat closes up. “You do realize we’re on opposite sides of law enforcement, right?”</p><p>“Obviously,” she states. “But you and I both know that Kaitou KID isn’t as much of a criminal as he wants people to believe.” He masks his expression to that.</p><p>She rolls her eyes, and drops to a crouch in front of him once again (farther away this time, he notices). “So here’s the stitch; he has something that I want, and you’re going to help us get it.”</p><p>“Like hell I’d ever help you,” he says, vitriol dripping from his voice. </p><p>“Oh, Tantei-kun,” she purrs, just like last time. “You don’t have a choice in the matter.”</p><p>Standing to her feet, she turns and sets up the camera on a tripod. Shinichi watches with trepidation and anxiety, taking care not to shiver from the looks the two men were giving him. Finally, the camera begins to blink with a red dot, signalling that it was now recording. </p><p>The woman nods at the two men, and they both place a mask on their faces and begin to stalk forward. Shinichi’s heart leaps to his throat and he struggles against his chains; but it does him no good. They both stand behind him and place a hand on either shoulder, grip tight and unwavering. He takes a deep breath and tries not to shake. </p><p>“Kaitou KID,” the woman says, and Shinichi notices the voice-changer in her hand. “It seems like the both of us have something the other wants. We’re going to ask your detective some questions, and if he answers them, we’ll let him go.” Shinichi almost wants to laugh out loud at that; there wasn’t any way he was leaving here alive. “If not, we’re going to make him wish he were dead.”</p><p>Too bad for her, he wasn’t going to give them that satisfaction.</p><p>“Now, Tantei-kun,” she starts, and Shinichi knows she’s doing it to piss Kaito off, “first question. Who is Kaitou KID?”</p><p>It's here that Shinichi realizes that he’s not a bargaining chip. They’re not filming him to spur Kaito to trade information for Shinichi’s safety, or as a hostage. They took him because they’re trying to get back at Kaito. They think that if they break him hard enough, he’d sell Kaito out, sell out Kaito’s trust in him. They think he cares so little for Kaito he would betray him without a second thought. </p><p>Well, screw them. </p><p>“How the hell should I know?” he replies, rolling his eyes. “If I knew that, I would have caught him ages ago.”</p><p>A fist meets his stomach, and he lurches, the world going white. He curls into himself as much as he can, his arms straining against his bonds. He heaves, saliva dripping from his mouth and onto the floor. </p><p>“Wrong answer,” she speaks above his desperate gasps for air. “What about his real name?”</p><p>“I don’t- I don’t know.”</p><p>“Wrong again.”</p><p>Another fist meets his stomach, and his feet begin to go numb from their place tucked under his knees.  Just as he begins to breathe normally, they punch him again, cutting off his inhale with a wheeze. He clenches his eyes tightly against the pain, trying desperately to keep himself together. </p><p>‘<em> This isn’t even going to be the worst of it, </em>’ he thinks in dawning horror, eyes drawn to the knife sitting innocently on the table. </p><p>“We can keep going all day,” she says, smirking the smallest amount when he grunts in pain from another punch. “You’re just doing this to yourself.”</p><p>“Even-” he says after a gasp, “even if I did know, why would I tell you?”</p><p>“Because.” A hand grips his hair, yanking his head up with a painful grip. “If you don’t, we’re going to spend as much time together as you’re able to handle. Every question, we’re going to do something worse to you, until you can’t stand it anymore. And when you’re begging for death, then we’ll know whether or not you actually know anything about Kaitou KID.” Her cruel smile digs into his chest, and something pricks at his eyes. “And if you don’t… well, I guess we’ll just find out, huh?”</p><p>He thins his lips. Despite the pain, despite the fact that in a few days time, he’s going to die, he still has a fire in him. No matter what they do, what they have in store for him, he isn’t going to give in.</p><p>“I guess we will, huh?”</p><p>Her grin falters the smallest amount. But she continues on; “Next question. What do you know about Pandora?”</p><p>“Other than that it's a greek myth?” he replies with a fake gusto, knowing that she’s actually referencing the stone Kaito has spent his life searching for, trying to avenge his father for, “That in the original story they actually meant a jar and not a box. A lot of people get that wrong.”</p><p>Scar-face tugs on his hair sharply, and grey-eyes stands before him. Shinichi has only a brief period of time to prepare himself before his fist meets his face with a sharp <em> -crack!- </em>that sends his head whipping to the side once again. His cheek stings sharply and his jaw aches, but Shinichi stands his ground. </p><p>“Hmm… what’s Kaitou KID’s favourite food?” the woman hums, and Shinichi looks at her with dazed eyes, her silhouette showing doubles for a quick second. Curry comes to his mind, and he’s thinking of quick dates at small restaurants in unknown parts of town, laughter and conversation filling the room. He’s so focussed on keeping the flowers at bay that he doesn’t notice the passing of a knife between the woman and grey-eye’s behind the camera until the reflection hits him in the face.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he replies, trying not to sag too much from his spinning head. “Sushi? Katsudon?”</p><p>The knife splits the skin of his forearm and Shinichi <em> cries out, </em>clenching his eyes tightly and biting down on his lip to prevent the sound so hard it bleeds. The cut is shallow and small, but the cold air seeps in his skin and stings painfully.</p><p>The image of Kaito, watching this video of Shinichi trying so hard to defy his captors comes to mind, and Shinichi can’t help but stifle a sob. Once the first flower makes its way up to his throat, the second does too, and soon he’s shaking and heaving out flowers, blood mixing with the blue and turning purple in his dizzy vision. He wishes- he wishes Kaito were here, busting in the door and throwing out some sleeping gas, sweeping Shinichi into his arms like he had so long ago.</p><p>The knowledge that it won’t happen hits him hard, and he's bowing his head and shaking. He’s- he’s not crying. But the knowledge that he won’t be able to spend his last days with his friends and family and Kaito is so unforgivably heartbreaking he has to take a moment to grieve.</p><p>“That’s it for now.” The woman’s voice sounds bored, but Shinichi’s ears do catch the camera shutting off with a click. “Let’s give him some time to stew, think about what he’s going to go through because of his stubbornness.”</p><p>The two men nod and head out, not so much as a glance to him. The woman takes the camera and stalks towards him, heels making clicking noises against the ground. He’s still shaking, and blood is dripping down his mouth and chin, but he makes sure to glare up at her when she stands before him.</p><p>“I hope whoever you have Hanahaki for watches this video,” she says, smiling cruelly.</p><p>He spits at her feet again. “Go to hell.”</p><p>Her lips curl at the spit staining those lovely heels. “Oh, make no mistake,” she sings, kicking him in the stomach with the same heel and laughing when he bows in on himself with a pained whine. “I know I’m already there.”</p><p>She leaves after that, shutting the door with a harsh bang. Shinichi breathes deeply in through his nose, and his next exhale is a shaky one. He takes another one in, but when it hurts to do so, the next exhale is accompanied by shaking shoulders. Once the adrenaline stopped working, all that's left is his pain. Everything is on fire, and his forearm is throbbing, blood dripping from his arm and mouth and hairline. </p><p>When the first tear falls, the next follows closely after. His sobs are quiet, but his shoulders shake from the strained effort to keep his whimpers at bay. His tears stain his cheeks, but his stare is focussed on the flowers laid bare at his knees, soaking up the tears once they fell from his face.</p><p>He falls asleep like that, salty tears coating his face and hanging limp from his chains. He’s asleep, but he isn’t dreaming. His thoughts are consumed by thoughts of home, thoughts of Kaito and his anguished face when he first receives that video. Shinichi can’t even imagine the pain Kaito will be going through, because even if Kaito didn’t love him in the way he wishes that he did, Kaito did care for him. Kaito would move heaven and Earth for those he cares about, and Shinichi knows that the moment Kaito receives the video, Kaito will be exhausting every possible corner to find him, to rescue him and bring him home. And it pains him to know that Shinichi will be dead before that happens. </p><p>The next time the door squeaks open, Shinichi is barely conscious as it is. It takes the door and the three pairs of footsteps entering the room for him to lift his head, but the room is spinning and his stomach howls in hunger, his lips dry and cracked. Shinichi has no idea how long they’ve locked him in here, but telling by their change of clothes, it's been long enough.</p><p>“Good morning, Tantei-kun,” the woman cheerfully greets him (And he doesn’t even know his captor’s name, how pathetic is that?). They’re already setting up the camera, and Shinichi exhales shakily when he spots the bucket of water one of them is carrying, but steadies his gaze and curls his lips in a snarl. The woman is wearing flats this time, and Shinichi hopes that the blood he spat at her before stained her heels. “How are we feeling today?”</p><p>“Just peachy,” he snarks, tugging on the chain. “No chance for you to loosen my chains? They’re awfully uncomfortable.”</p><p>“And risk you escaping before we’re done with you?” the woman laughs, as if he had made a distasteful joke. “<em> No chance,” </em>she mocks his earlier words.</p><p>“Worth a shot,” he sighs.</p><p>The camera turns on with a click, and once again, the two henchmen are stood at his sides while she hides behind the tripod with her stupid voice changer. The bucket of water they’d brought in lays before him, and Shinichi eyes it with apprehension. </p><p>“You had a lot to think about last night, Tantei-kun,” the woman says, and Shinichi scowls at the satisfaction on her face when she says the nickname. “Let’s hope for your sake you thought very carefully.”</p><p>“What’s Kaitou KID’s address?”</p><p>A little cozy apartment in downtown Beika. The spare room in his house on late Saturdays. “I don’t know.”</p><p>A large hand grips his hair, and suddenly his face is submerged in water. Shinichi flails, human instinct taking over when the freezing water rises past his eyes and into his ears, filling his nose. His toes scrape against the ground, trying desperately to relieve himself of the suffocating liquid, but the hand on his hair is taut, forcing his head down and down and down no matter how hard he struggles. Eventually, his need for air wins out and his mouth breaks open in a scream, the water filling his mouth and lungs, the world beginning to sink away.</p><p>His head is ripped from the water, and Shinichi desperately gasps for air, trying not to swallow the water clinging and falling from his bangs. Hacking and coughing permeate the silence of the dingy room, but he can’t bring himself to care. </p><p>“What’s his birthday?”</p><p>June 21. “I don’t know.”</p><p>Water. Cold, suffocating, filling his nose. Air.</p><p>“Phone number.”</p><p>He has that ten-digit code memorized. “I don’t know.”</p><p>Water, cold, suffocating, metal filling his throat. Air.</p><p>“Where does he work?”</p><p>He doesn’t. He’s studying at the nearby university, and does little magic shows in his free time. “I don’t- don’t know.”</p><p>Water. He’s shivering. He’s not struggling as much. Blue is beginning to soak up the tub. Air. Flowers.</p><p>“How old is he?”</p><p>23. “I-” He’s coughing. Gasping. Flowers sting and cut his throat, filling his vision, “I don’t- I don’t <em> know </em>.”</p><p>The water is starting to get warmer, or maybe he’s starting to get numb to it. The air is cold though. </p><p>“Spouse?”</p><p>His throat closes up at that. “I don’t <em> know </em>!”</p><p>He’s not really struggling anymore. The water has spilled over the tub, dousing the floor and soaking his pants. The world is spinning under him, but he’s conscious enough to try and hold his breath long enough so he doesn’t pass out, fear of whatever they’d do to him keeping him in control just enough.</p><p>His hair is tugged up once more, and he greedily takes in as much air as he can with the flowers in his throat. The world is blurry, and all he can make out of the woman is her figure highlighted by the lamp on the table. </p><p>“Why are you so stubborn?” she asks, and he blearily blinks up at her. </p><p>“What… do you mean…?” he huffs out, exhaustion pulling deep at his muscles and bones.</p><p>“Anyone could have cracked at this point. You do realize no one’s coming for you, right?” He closes his eyes, trying to block out the words. “I don’t even think they’ve noticed you’re gone. So what’s the point in hurting yourself more?”</p><p><em> ‘She’s wrong,’ </em> he tells himself. Kaito would have noticed. Hattori would have, he <em> did </em>notice, he knew something was up. They were out searching for him, even if… even if they wouldn’t reach him in time. </p><p>“Even if I did… know anything,” he forces out, calling whatever last power in him he had left to sit up and glare at her. “I wouldn’t tell you. I would never betray his trust like that, or anyone for that matter.” Her gaze digs deep into him, sharp and unwavering, but he continues on, “You could do your worst to me, and I still wouldn’t give him up like that. I would rather <em> die </em> than let you make me betray him. Besides,” a wet laugh accompanies his words, sagging against the chains and the hand still holding his head up, “I’m dying. Soon, you won’t even be able to torture me anymore.” He hopes that his stare unerves her, hopes that she looks at him and shivers like he was, realizes that he still stands his ground. “I can hold out until then. So do your worst to me.”</p><p>The woman tsks. “So be it.”</p><p>She shuts off the camera and nods at the two men, and the one holding his hair lets go. Shinichi, body weak and exhausted, falls against his chains, no strength to sit himself up. They walk away, but stand guard at the door. The woman walks towards him, and forces his jaw to look up with a harsh grip.</p><p>“You look so pathetic,” she whispers, and squeezes his jaw tight. </p><p>“Me? Have you…” he forces out past the hand around his jaw, “have you looked in a mirror lately?” </p><p>“Ugh,” she scowls, and releases her hold with a sharp whip to the side. Shinichi thanks that she’s no longer touching him, but the sudden movement sends his head spinning. “I’m going to enjoy making you crack,” she says, standing to her feet. The perspective unnerves him, with her standing over his body. Shinichi is trying his best not to show his rapidly worsening anxiety, but he knows that his calm disposition was very quickly cracking. </p><p>“Whenever Kaitou KID watches these videos, what do you think he's going to feel?” Her sudden musing confuses him, and he lifts his bowed read and rests it against his limp arm, still heaving in air but taking in her innocent expression. “Fear? Anger?” Her lips begin to quirk up in a cruel smile, “I hope he sees them and all he feels is anguish. I hope that it breaks him to know that no matter how hard he’ll try, you’re going to die because of him, because of his own mistakes. That you had absolutely no chance to survive this.”</p><p>Even if Shinichi already knew that they didn’t even really care about the information, it still broke a tiny part of him to know that this was all entertainment for them. That in the end, all they really cared about was breaking him and breaking Kaito. There wasn’t an ulterior motive, or some sort of information to be gained. This was all a game, to prove that they could, and they would hurt Kaito in unimaginable ways.</p><p>Shinichi doesn’t grace her with a response. This seems to amuse her, if the chortle she gives is anything to go by. “All bark and no bite, huh?” she says, but Shinichi bows his head and pointedly stops paying attention to her. “Get some rest,” she parts with, and there’s a sound of a click, and the three making their way outside. “You’re going to need it.”</p><p>The door shuts loudly behind them once again, and Shinichi finally lets the shivers take over his body. The water had chilled him to the bone, and now that the adrenaline is gone, the frigid room is condensing his shaky breaths into smoke, not that he could see it behind his closed eyelids. When he pries his eyes open, he’s met with only blackness and begins to panic momentarily, before registering that she had shut off the lamp when she exited.</p><p>They hadn’t even left a light for him. Something that seemed so small and minuscule felt like it left such a lasting impression on his psyche that he began to shake from something different from the cold.</p><p>The woman’s parting words repeat over and over again in his head, and it's slowly driving him insane. What was Kaito doing right now? Was he scouring every nook and cranny in Tokyo to find him? Was he replaying the video over and over again to commit the room and the woman’s speaking habits to memory? Did he not <em> care </em>?</p><p>The last one is a long shot, but in Shinichi’s weakened state, he can’t help but think about it. He can vividly recall the anger Kaito had felt the last time they spent together, and that fear, that <em> doubt </em> creeps into his mind that Kaito had been so angry he hadn’t even noticed Shinichi was gone. It's only there for a split second, but that second is enough for the flowers to push their way up his throat and coat the floor. Shinichi heaves and heaves, and with every flower comes another doubt, another train of guilt in his brain. The flowers cut his throat and soak up the blood, staining his lips red. The black room is suffocating and claustrophobic, and soon, Shinichi is shaking in fear, in anxiety, in panic, in bitter cold. </p><p>Then- then he remembers. He remembers the warmth of Kaito’s arms, of his smile and laughter. He recalls the way Kaito held him firm and comforting as he broke down, much like this. Shinichi recalls and suddenly he can <em> breathe </em> again, the last remaining flowers making their way past his lips. </p><p>Shinichi trembles with the way his body sags in utter relief. There’s a certain… numbness to him right now. Weariness weighs deep in every part of his limbs, and before long he’s closing his eyes and succumbs to his exhaustion, sweet dreams of home fill the blank spots of his consciousness, and the room slips away.</p><p>It feels like a second and an eternity when they next come back. It can’t have been all that long, because the water clinging to him has just finished drying. He blinks, trying to fill the black spots in his vision when they turn the lamp on. </p><p>They don’t even greet him this time, the two men standing at his sides silently (though they never spoke much in the first place). The woman, though, she’s uncharacteristically quiet, simply turning on the camera and standing behind it. </p><p>“What is Kaitou KID’s weakness?” she asks, quiet, calculated.</p><p>He huffs, thinking of aquatic animals and little kids with big smiles. “I don’t know.”</p><p>Something meets his back, and Shinichi <em> shrieks </em>.</p><p>The pain is blinding, and his back is blazing fire red. The world turns white for a split second, his ears ringing and everything blanking in his mind. He’s never felt pain like this before; scalding, agonizing, the feeling of a thousand tiny knives digging into his skin and <em> dragging. </em>Is this what hell felt like? His mind goes numb, gasping in air like a kid with candy would. Tears clump his eyelashes together, blurring the world in colourful hues. </p><p>It takes an awfully long time for Shinichi to finally understand what they’d done, what he was going through. The thing that had been clipped to one of their belts had been a whip. In dawning horror, he realizes that they’ve <em> whipped </em> him, like cattle to slaughter. Blood is running down his back, seeping into freshly made wounds and extenuating the pain in fine detail.</p><p>“What’s his favourite colour?” </p><p>She was- she was <em> mocking </em> him.</p><p>“I don’t-” he gasps, clenching his eyes tightly and tugging on the chains, desperately failing to try and escape to no avail. “I don’t- <em> please </em> , I don't <em> know </em>.”</p><p>The whip strikes his back again, and Shinichi howls this time, curling in on himself from the added intensity of the newly added marks digging into the old ones. “Please,” he finds himself begging, pathetically, whimpering at the agony in his back. “I don’t know anything.”</p><p>“Favourite animal?”</p><p>Doves. Kaito- Kaito loved doves.</p><p>Shinichi sobs, and this time, they don’t even let him try to answer before they whip him again. Something in him breaks, and the world evaporates around him. Its kind of scary, how easily Shinichi detached from the pain and the torture. Was it because he gave up? Was his body trying to protect itself? All he gives is a grunt when the whip meets his back again, and he dimly recognizes they hadn’t even asked him a question. </p><p>It ends as quickly as it began, with the woman sighing, “Well, that’s boring.” Her voice sounds awfully far away, but maybe that’s his faded consciousness talking. “He gave up rather quickly.”</p><p>Shinichi couldn’t even reply to her if he wanted to.</p><p>“What’s next?” the man that sounded like grey-eyes asks, tugging on his hair to make him face the camera. The pull doesn’t even feel that harsh anymore. “I want to hear him scream a bit more.”</p><p>“Don’t worry,” the woman replies, sickeningly sweet. “You’ll get your chance. Hear that Kaitou KID?” The woman touches the camera, and it must be zooming in on his tear-stained face. “Your detective doesn’t have much time left. Better savour his time in this world before he’s gone.”</p><p>The camera shuts off, and they walk out. Shinichi is left all alone.</p><p>Was this how he died? Strung up by chains and tortured mercilessly by people who had it out against the person he loved? He didn’t even get to choose his own death in the end. They took that from him. He would die surrounded by the flowers he grew for the one he loved most in this world, but he wouldn’t die because of them.</p><p>Except, wait-</p><p>The flowers at his knees were dead.</p><p>Shinichi stares at them with dimmed eyes, not quite understanding why they’ve wilted and withered. It hadn’t been that long since he’d expelled them, right? They couldn’t have died that quickly. What had… what had happened?</p><p>It's then that he hears it. The sounds of shouting. His head is dizzy and disoriented, but he can distantly hear the sounds of… was that gunfire? No, why would his captors be shooting anything?</p><p>As soon as it starts, the shouting fades so quickly Shinichi briefly entertains the thought that maybe he’d imagined it all along. He’d suffered too many brain injuries, lost too much blood, that he was beginning to make scenarios up in his head.</p><p>But there’s the unmistakable sounds of footsteps coming closer to the door, and Shinichi begins to panic. </p><p>He thrashes, chains scraping against one another but not releasing no matter how much he pulls. His back aches with every move of his muscles, but Shinichi is suddenly fueled by adrenaline that he doesn’t even feel it. </p><p>“TMPD!”</p><p>He… he <em> knows </em> that voice.</p><p>Even if he can see Satou, her figure isn’t quite registering in his brain. He- he knows she’s there, but it seems too far fetched, too fantastical to even imagine that he doesn’t quite believe it. But she’s thinning her lips when she spots him, and then she’s shouting, “All clear!” and other officers are filling the room, officers that he knows and works with, and they’re all moving towards him in concern and-</p><p>“Kaito.”</p><p>He doesn’t even notice the name spill out of his mouth with a wet heave, but suddenly, Kaito is <em> there </em>, kneeling in front of him, hands on his face and fingers brushing his bangs. “Shinichi,” the other whispers, eyes bright blue and filling with tears, and his hands are warm. “Shinichi, you’re okay now, I’ve got you.”</p><p>In one swift second, the chains binding him by the wrists are gone and he falls forward, unable to keep himself standing. But Kaito is there, steady as a rock, holding him still with unfaltering hands. Kaito holds him close, but takes care not to jostle him. Shinichi can’t even bring his weakened arms to hold Kaito to him and never let go. </p><p>“You’re here,” he cries, nose buried deep in Kaito’s neck and breathing in his scent. “<em> You’re here. </em>”</p><p>“I’m here,” Kaito repeats, and his voice sounds oddly emotional. “It's okay, you’re okay. I’ve got you.”</p><p>Relief floods Shinichi that it almost makes him dizzy, and one tear after another rolls down his cheeks, soaking Kaito’s neck; but if anything, Kaito holds him closer and all that does is make him cry harder. Voices shout around him, but Shinichi has tuned them out. All that matters is Kaito, holding him steady and close. “Go to sleep,” Kaito says, soft, comforting, arms tight around his shoulders. “I’ve got you, you’re safe.”</p><p>And Shinichi, feeling warm and safe and relieved, falls right asleep.</p><p>-</p><p>The next Shinichi awakes, he’s so warm and comfortable that he almost believes that maybe he’d died sometime after they’d arrived.</p><p>But there’s the unmistakable beeping of a machine, and what is the blinding smell of cleaning supplies and sterile spaces. Obviously he must be in a hospital, but the idea that… that he’d escaped after all is so startling to him that he almost doesn’t believe it.</p><p>The bed underneath him is undeniably soft, and Shinichi breathes in deeply through his nose, sinking into the mattress. He’s on his side, which alerts him to how his taut his back feels. Thankfully, they must have put him on some heavy pain meds, because the most he feels is a slight unpleasantness. </p><p>Eventually, slight cautiousness wins out against the need to go back to bed, and Shinichi opens his eyes, the white of the room momentarily blinding him. </p><p>Kaito- Kaito is right there.</p><p>He’s sleeping, head tucked against his shoulders and arms folded between one another. His breathing is light and there’s bags under his eyes, but there’s barely any movement under his eyelids, so he must have fallen asleep not too long ago. </p><p>Shinichi fights the urge to get up and tug him into the bed, knowing that it was a breach of privacy and space, but his body and nerves are starting to go into overdrive. Logically, Shinichi knows that his captors have long since been arrested, but he can’t help the way his eyes flicker to the door, or the way his hands grip the edge of the bedspread, ready to leap to his feet at a moment's notice.</p><p>Something beeps and Shinichi startles, until he notices that it was just Kaito’s phone on the table. But Kaito’s face is beginning to scrunch up and awaken, eyes prying open slowly. He stretches, joints making popping sounds as he yawns, movement slow and wonky. As soon as Kaito's eyes rest on him though, he jolts to attention. </p><p>“Shinichi,” he exclaims, but not too loudly. Suddenly faced with an awake Kaito, Shinichi tries sitting up, and quickly Kaito is by his side, hands steadying him like before. “You should be resting,” Kaito admonishes with a tut.</p><p>“I want to move around,” he replies, holding back a whine when Kaito pulls away. But- Kaito is still holding his hand. That’s comforting. Shinichi smiles, tightening his hold and savouring the warmth of Kaito’s hand-</p><p>“The flowers!” he shouts in a panic, recalling the way they had withered. “I’m not- why aren’t they- they didn’t give me the surgery, <em> tell me </em> they didn’t-”</p><p>But Kaito is laughing, leaving Shinichi confused befuddled. “Shinichi,” he giggles, and he’s holding both of Shinihci’s hands with his own, bringing them to his chest, and he’s smiling, smiling so bright as he says, “You didn’t get the surgery.”</p><p>And- “Oh,” he whispers, cheeks reddening but… but not quite registering it. After all this time, not once had Shinichi entertained the idea that Kaito would- that Kaito might- love him back. It's suddenly too much, and tears are filling his eyes, obscuring his vision but not enough for him to not see Kaito’s smiling face turn concerned. “You…?”</p><p>“I’m sorry it took me so long to see it,” Kaito replies, voice heavy and sad. His thumb trails little patterns on his hands, and Shinichi tries to focus on it. “Or that,” Kaito swallows, “it took such drastic measures to see it.”</p><p>The video.</p><p>“I'm sorry you had to watch that,” he tells Kaito, but Kaito shakes his head, rolling his eyes with a wry smile.</p><p>“Don’t apologize, dummy.” Shinichi flushes, but it doesn’t stop the guilt in his chest. Shinichi couldn’t even imagine what he’d feel if Kaito had been in his position. Even if he could have probably rescued himself. “Hey,” Kaito says, ducking his head so he’s in Shinichi’s eyesight. “Don’t do that.”</p><p>“Do what?”</p><p>“You’re thinking something stupid,” Kaito says, a pout to his voice. “For a detective, you can be really dense.”</p><p>Shinichi laughs, but it sounds a bit forced. “I just… wish I could have done something. Fought back a bit more, or-”</p><p>“Shinichi,” Kaito cuts him off. “You did all you could. The fact that you never gave them any sort of information despite them literally tor-” He takes a deep breath. “Despite what they did to you is amazing.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have let them hurt you,” he says tersely. “I’d never forgive myself.”</p><p>Kaito shakes his head, letting out a disbelieving laugh, “You’re amazing, Tantei-kun.”</p><p>Shinichi flinches.</p><p>“I don’t-” he breathes shakily, hands trembling in Kaito’s suddenly tense hands. “Maybe choose a different nickname, for now.”</p><p>“Of course,” Kaito responds quietly. “How do you feel about Sugar?”</p><p>Anxiety momentarily forgotten, Shinichi blinks. “What?”</p><p>Suddenly doing a 180, Kaito is grinning. “Sweetie? Beautiful? Sunshine?” Pet-Names, Shinichi realizes, turning red all the way up to his ears. He’s spluttering, but Kaito just grins wider and continues; “Sweetpea? Buttercup? Lovebug?”</p><p>“<em> None of those </em>,” he hisses in embarrassment.</p><p>But Kaito laughs, and the sound is so lovely Shinichi can’t help the bashful smile that crosses his face. “Okay, my love.” Kaito is kissing the knuckles of his dry hands, and it shouldn’t leave him as breathless as it does, but, well. It does.</p><p>“That one,” he flushes, “is fine.”</p><p>“Good.” The smile Kaito is wearing is blinding, and for a brief period of time it overshadows the pain and anguish rolling around in his head. But then they dip into silence, and Shinichi is looking down and suddenly there’s too many thoughts in his head. Recalling the experience is the last thing Shinichi wanted to do, but every little sound and reflection of light is making him paranoid.</p><p>“Why did they do it?” he asks aloud, voice devoid of the earlier joy they both felt.</p><p>Kaito sombers up. “They were old… ‘acquaintances’ of my father.” Acquaintances was a loose term, it seemed. Despite knowing this, it didn’t help the weak bit of anger, of anguish at the pain he had gone through. Kaito continues on, “In the beginning of his career as Kaitou KID, he didn’t quite know where to start. He had to use… less than favourable connections.” Shinichi can see the way even saying the words brings Kaito pain, and the anger lessens by a margin. Kaito breathes in deeply, closing his eyes and running his thumbs against Shinichi’s knuckles again. “In the beginning, I don’t think Tou-san realized just how cold or heartless they were. When he did though, he inevitably left an anonymous tip to the police, and they were arrested.” A pained smile crosses Kaito’s face. “Obviously they knew he was the one who led to their imprisonment. They held a grudge.”</p><p>Thinning his lips, Shinichi turns their hands around and traces patterns across Kaito’s palm to give his mind something to focus on. “So they took it out on me,” he mutters blankly. “They knew it would hurt both KID’s image and pride to be unable to protect someone under his ‘care’.”</p><p>Kaito grimaces, a blank look to his eyes. “Yeah.”</p><p>It makes sense, and follows what Shinichi had already guessed to a T. Still, a lone thought crosses his mind. Why him? It's a pathetic and petty thought, and Shinichi quickly shuts it down, but he can’t help but wonder. In the end, he was happy that no one had to experience the torture he had, but… a part of him wishes he’d never had to experience it at all.</p><p>“Is it wrong of me to wish they’d rot in hell for it?” he asks.</p><p>“No,” is Kaito’s immediate reply. Glancing up revealed the fury lying deep in those blue eyes of his, just barely unmasked rage rising to the surface. “If anything, in another lifetime, I would have killed them for what they did.”</p><p>It’s- it’s a startling statement, but one that Shinichi is almost inclined to agree to. Being a detective was never easy, seeing all the most avoidable murders committed because of such small misunderstandings. Shinichi hated, <em> hated </em> people who felt entitled to the idea of taking another human being’s life. Well, maybe not hated, but certainly abhorred them. What was the point? Human lives were already so fleeting already. How could one just decide to take another’s life as they did? And so effortlessly, without a second thought?</p><p>But… remembering hurt. Remembering the pain he’d gone through, the humiliation of the tapes that’d been shared with those closest to him. It was enough to boil his blood in rage, to want to see them suffer the way he did, experience the pain that they had dealt to him.</p><p>Having Kaito here, grounding him, reminding him of who he was (not that, never that) was incredibly relieving.</p><p>“Obviously I would never,” Kaito continues on after a pregnant pause. “I do have a reputation to uphold… To a point.”</p><p>“No harm under your watch,” Shinichi fills in.</p><p>“Absolutely no harm,” Kaito reiterates. “And as your boyfriend, that means you’re under very careful watch.”</p><p>That has him reeling. “Boyfriend?” he asks, eyes wide and heart racing.</p><p>It's Kaito’s turn to be flushed. “Well, ah-” his free hand rubs the back of his neck, eyes darting to the side. “Since both of us, you know…”</p><p>Shinichi did know. Very well.</p><p>“Well, as your boyfriend,” he starts, voice eerily calm despite the inner hysteria in his body, “I demand some real food. I haven’t eaten anything in…”</p><p>Kaito, despite being embarrassed earlier, sombers up near the end of Shinichi’s sentence. “Three days.”</p><p>Shinichi nods, trying not to drag the mood down again despite how just hearing how long he’d been gone actively saddens him. “I could really go for some good ramen right now,” is what he says.</p><p>“Can do.” Smiling, Kaito goes to stand, but the moment their hands disconnect, they both go very still. “How do you feel about making Hattori go pick up some takeout?” Kaito says instead, sitting back down so rapidly Shinichi is briefly concerned he might have bruised something.</p><p>“That’s fine.” Their hands are together again. Shinichi hopes he doesn’t become reliant on this, no matter how comforting it may be. </p><p>It's almost funny. Just yesterday Shinichi had been so sure he was going to die, that he would never get to experience this. But here he is, holding Kaito’s hand, neither being able to let the other go just yet. Shinichi never thought it would be possible, that Kaito would love him back, that Kaito would be just as willing to be a part of this as he was. How long would this last? Maybe it's a bit silly, but a part of him hopes it's forever. Shinichi would be willing to cough as many flowers as it took to keep this, in the end. </p><p>Instead of saying any of that though, what he says is, “I’m glad you’re here.”</p><p>There’s a hand on his cheek, warm and steady. “Me too,” Kaito whispers, and suddenly he’s just right <em> there </em> , forehead against his, and it's so tender and soft that Shinichi closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, trying to savour the moment as much as he could. But then Kaito's breath is shaky, nervous, and Shinichi opens his eyes to see Kaito glancing- glancing <em> down </em>. To his lips. His eyes are half-lidded, and there’s so little space between them when Kaito asks, “Can I…?” so soft he can barely hear him.</p><p>Instead of answering, Shinichi leans forward and capture’s Kaito’s lips with his own.</p><p>Shinichi had never given much thought to what kissing Kaito would be like. Hanahaki refused to let him have false hope, so what was the point? In those brief moments though, so small that he barely even recalls them, he’d imagined it something a little like this.</p><p>Kaito leans into him once the initial shock wears off, confident but soft in a way that’s just purely him. Both of his hands cup Shinichi’s cheeks, and while using one of his arms to keep himself steady, he uses the other one to rest against the back of Kaito’s neck, keeping him close. It's… soft, and tender. Chaste. There’s just the simple press of Kaito against him, but it was so incredibly comforting that Shinichi wishes he’d simply sucked it up and told Kaito ages ago so he could have done this way sooner. </p><p>They part, and rest against each other, breathing in the other in. Then, they’re leaning in for another kiss, then another. They don’t progress anything past the subtle touch of their lips, but… Shinichi is okay with that. </p><p>Kaito’s hands have wandered down to rest at Shinichi’s waist, and once they part finally, he brings Shinichi forward in a hug. “You better promise me not to get kidnapped anytime soon,” he mutters beside his ear, voice sounding a little bit husky despite also sounding like a petulant child.</p><p>Still, Shinichi holds him closer and laughs. “I’ll try my best.”</p><p>The moment is ruined when a nurse walks in and discovers Shinichi is awake. She rips into Kaito, who spins a tale that Shinichi had just awoken and they were overcome with relief that both had forgotten to call in any assistance. It… technically isn’t wrong, even if Shinichi had been awake for far longer than that.</p><p>Kaito is herded off after that, nurses coming in to make sure that Shinichi was okay and his injuries were doing well. The wound on his head wasn’t too major, but they didn’t clear out a concussion just yet. They briefly touched on the flowers that’d once been in his chest, but the withered remains would eventually fade out of his system in due time. Their main concern was the laceration on his back.</p><p>They were… going to scar. A bitter part of Shinichi once again wishes that it’d never come to this at all, but he shuts it down again. With proper healing and time, they would fade to mostly unrecognizable marks, but they would always be there.</p><p>Hattori does eventually come with cold takeout once the doctors are done their tests, complaining of a murder he ran into on the way there. Kaito groans when Shinichi immediately becomes invested, digging into his lunch pathetically when the two detectives draw themselves into a discussion about the differences between fish wire and stage wire, and which one would best be used for the trick the culprit used.</p><p>Not once during their lunch though, did Kaito’s hand stray from Shinichi’s.</p><p>It… would take time to recover. Shinichi wasn’t sure if he would ever fully rid himself of the experience, but he had help. He had Hattori, and Haibara (As loathed as she was to admit), the Shonen Tantei-dan, Ran.</p><p>Most importantly, Kaito.</p><p>Watching as Kaito got into a heated debate with Hattori, Shinichi couldn’t help but smile. It would be difficult, yes. But Kaito would be there along every step of the way, and he wouldn’t have anything less.<br/><br/><br/></p>
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